ALICE IN CHAINS

I dont have feelings to describe how this band has touched the darkest corners of my heart, esteem and solitude. Wish they had never ended the way they did. Staley the killer..may you always rest in peace, our MAN IN THE BOX COZ WE DIE YOUNG..

My 100th post on the blog and full of grief and frustration.

In India bombings now just happen like a festival. Once in every two months, there is chaos, the news is packed, its in the back of your mind and then you carry on with your life. I have to blog about Bombings because it affects me and affects me badly.

Like everyone, I have heard stories about people who were there of whom one I know personally. I have seen emails being forwarded by people of individuals jotting down their experiences and explaining the plight of many who died on the fateful day. I personally do not feel safe now.

The attacks on the Taj and Oberoi hits the cream and that is where everyone aspires to be dining some day. Aspirations being materialised blown off in a bomb blast or mercilessly slauthered by bullets is hell broken loose.

I remember the Shoba Singh painting called the "Making of the Taj" where Shahjahan is holding the dead Mumtaz all in grief and the genesis of the emotion being materialised. A great painting which shows why it had to be nothing less then the Taj Mahal. Now,the burning of another Taj with the emotions running equally high, be in on a different parameter makes me wonder Why..

I pray for peace and love..

TRICK TRIP

Everything which looks appealing to the eye has a back bone called trick which makes it stand out. The trick is to understand the previous trick and the preparation it requires.

After the Ice Ages..

Its after a real good while that I have now discovered a Band which makes me think of Metal Again. On a New Level, like a Pain Killer charging the Battery of my Roots

Look forward to this shit..

DO YOU THINK..

I just heard that Obamas biggest influence was his grand mother. Come to think of it, I think for me its my mother. A perfect house wife from my eyes and a true mother in the strict sense.

Although she always remained a house wife, I think she was a real talent wasted. She would have excelled in any profession, like the way she excelled as a house wife and a mother . Religion and Pooja is a big part of her life. India Tv one of her favourites which my father simply HATES.

Bhinder once came home and met my mom. The observant that she is, she told me that my Mom has a very high IQ. High education would have moulded her brain which is professionally confined to the thinking of a house wife with her family. The economy, US Policy, Indian policy, the interest rates, mergers, do not come in her daily routine.

Perhaps, the mind set of the folks in the 50ts was quite different, different to comprehend as on date. My mother tells me that my Nana was of the view that girls should not be taught too much.

I am glad that India has changed over the years. I seriously hope mothers havent. Fathers still need their beer and a smoke.

GARAJ BARAS

I have deep respect for Pakistani rock bands. Junoon tops the list. Garaj Baras is one song which I think can be mixed like no ones business. Wish I could just mix it the way I can imagine it at times. kILLER.

Cant have the copyright on the idea but want to jot things down just for the records. I will float it and swim along. I know how to swim now, with all pun intended!!

It was like a bomb blast in your brain. Suddenly, I wanted to shout and jump from the balcony. I looked at my friends and everything looked slow, a siren was blowing in my brain with a million cells getting destroyed every nano second. I wonder what my sugar level would have been that time. I dont even know my friends who were were there with me are still alive or not, the chances of them dead of an OD by now are quite high, I am very high..

DIARY.....

I realised today that I shall have to exercise above 45 minutes everyday for the rest of my life. I am excited about it. Trust me!

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Infected Mushroom, one band of electronic music I like. They have the right punch. Heard it for the first time through a girl who almost gave me a knock out. I lost the bout anyhow.

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Both Guls are getting married. Very Happy for them! Some of my best pals!!

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....Sent from my Blackberry handheld

ALLRITE..

I actually saw myself in a S-Class Merc looking at me waiting for the Bus. It was strange as both alter egos had the same thoughts with different dimensions. Perhaps, a life spent fulfilling the insatiable desires. I cant really call it wasted for pure economic reasons. I was still happy though.

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A Sms forwarded by Dad:

Beware of little expenses, a small leak will sink a great ship!!!!

jo bole so nehal satsiriakal

OPINION PLEASE

Only yesterday I was talking about this case where we briefed a Senior Counsel and the kind of money he charged us for doing almost nothing. Suddenly my friend asked me if I had noticed something peculiar about him which I guessed was something to do with his abilities of grasping things very quickly or the orator skills he had etc. Yeah, I told him, he was pretty intelligent. No you ass, he keeps scratching his balls and if you look at him while he is doing that, he looks at you and winks..!!

Well I never noticed that..but DISGUSTING I TELL YOU..HAHAHA

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Sometimes when I look back, I can see how many girls I just let go of my life..they came and then packed their stuff right in front of me and left my heart. Sometimes I think that I should make the effort to reach back to them again, perhaps get a little rebuked and made to realise what a fool I was. Some real nice girls..

The other option is to leave it all behind and just save yourself for the marriage..hhmmmmm

Life does not give you a second chance..I am waiting for mine I guess.

IN METAL WE TRUST

THE LORDS ARE BACK LIKE NEVER BEFORE

THINGS WHICH RINGED TODAY

FATHER: "You dont know them, (talking about Muslims and the recent Delhi Bombings)coz you do not read.."(meant general books and history),..raising his fundamentalist debate.

"All the things are difficult before being easy"..mentioned on the poster of a party sued for copyright infringement. Case Law

"Lets try for the GOOD..we shall think about excellent later"..Salman Khurshed in a Debate on television

"The Man in me meets the woman in you..come on come on come on"..Def Lepard

PEACE A CHANCE

Saw Rock On and Wednesday today..back to back..Farhan Akhtar croaks..lousy vocals, I really got this feel that if you have money you can do almost anything. Wednesday was nice, really liked it. I am writing about movies today because Delhi was bombed yesterday and it was today morning that I really felt scared about watching the movies in a theatre.

These bombings make me sad..PEACE AND LOVE..

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When I was driving down to office the other day I tried figuring out the cars which were being badly driven, my criteria for judging included not driving in a lane, wild cuts, slow moving not at the pace of the traffic etc etc. I figured atleast 4 cars all driven by ladies.

Perhaps with smoking, the opposite sex should be banned from driving as well. MCP is all I can hear..

BOGUS FRAUD

What we see is not what it really exists.
Discipline can be learned from nature
There is a time for everything
You just have to wait and see it come towards you
Even when it doesnt, you accept what you get
With Arms Wide open.

JALEBEE CARTEL

I am a part of the extended sweet family and so is my nephew. When my sister told me that her son is a diabetic, I really didnt know the implication it shall have on her and our family, leave alone the poor kid. Now that I have been diagnosed of diabetes myself, I can understand what all you just cant have in life now.

Sometimes I wonder how he would react when he grows up and as he would never have tasted anything sweet and the wonders it can give you. I remember people describing a Birthday Cake as "orgasmic". The prick of the insulin is a part of him for his whole life. I dont feel sorry for him, I just love him more everytime I see him.

I remember the day when he had very low sugar one morning and I immediately opened the refrigerator and have him had chocolate for the first time in his life. "Bread" he said. It is bread he told me and then started playing with his toys..

THE BIG BOSS

Its been said that it just takes one generation to ruin all the greatness and money coming down for ages. Well I feel pity for Mr. Parmod Mahajan to have a son like he has. I just saw Big Boss and oh boy what a pity.

His entire political carreer is now gone for a six and the Sang Parivar which has already ostracized him for the infamous cocaine scandal would now be ready to slaughter him thinking him to be a Beef eater. Whereas his peers are in the business of making strong political careers and are being termed as the Generation X of bright politicians lobbying amongst themselves because of their similar ages, here is Junior Mahajan trying to be smart on the national televisiion listening and being directed by a voice called Big Boss.

I truly respected Senior Mahajan not for the person he was but purely for the capabilities he possessed. A man who single handedly used to manage the Rath Yatra, one of BJPs biggest political dramas which payed off very well that time, a politician who could cut across party lines to get work done, a man who knew where all the money is, where is it coming for and where is it going, one of the greatest orator sadly being shot dead by his own brother.

Its a pity for him to see all this, I hope Colours is banned where he is. Its time Junior Mahajan realises and understands who the real BIG BOSS in India is. Its politics my friend which emanates from the masses and you killed your own destiny by your hands. A few thousand crores you have will be gone very soon. Go snort more, thats all you can do now.

A star light night is life, its like our arteries wide open inside out.

INDEPENDENCE SINKING IN..

Stoned and flying kites
cutting a few, adding delights
walking endlessly, brooding life
listening music, sitting, staring


Independence from yesterday
For a better tommorow
and a bright present

Anichya..Sabka Mangal Hovein reh.

The Sadist Bliss

I am a sadist for reasons that I dont even spare myself. The other day I thought about a presentation I should definatelty propose to present and was shit scared to do. I got shivers thinking about it but something inside me laughed thinking that the entire tension shall be worth the trouble.

So I started thinking about it and kept reading and practising. The words, the style the pitch, the start,the conclusion everything, infront of a mirror to practising while driving in a car and then it finally happened. Much better then what I expected and highly appreciated.

Now I know that even when you are a good worker, there are times when you just have to stand and say that it has been my brain working for all these days. One supposedly mentor of mine once told me that money shall follow knowledge. Further, going out doing tough things make you gain respect, from within then outside.

The famous PANTERA when Phil shouts..RESPECT..wHAT diD yoU SaY??!!

Every morning changing between gears five
the music differs from old to live
with a deep remorse and the monday blues
I reach office to fill some one elses shoes

Sunday evening and the week begins
Monday morning when my alarm rings
Oooh Oooh Oooh Monday Blues
I love you so, you blow my fuse..

Whatever..

AS I DIE..

I want to bring my deepest inhibitions out now in a straight line. I suddenly have pangs of doubt now that everything I have dreamt about might not necessarily work out. I feel frustrated about thinking that I am dying now, slowly but steadely. I shall have to draft a make shift plan dependent on self reliance, the mobility and execution of which shall be flexible.

I want to travel now, live life more passionately, openly, with no egos. Basically, shall be taking is easy pal, slowly but steadely...

TEARS

It's darker than before only sand is hovering memory traces passing by and I have no more tears to cry

Theres nothing but the rain left to me I'm torn to pieces can't you see? If only I could feel your touch again but I can't get a grip

Now I'm alone again. I can see you.... How could you just walk away I still love you baby can't you see

I dream about you every night and I can feel you there somewhere I'm torn apart

And I see you baby, feel you in every breath and every move I make and you know I'm lonely only the sea can wash, the tears they fall

And it drives me carzy I cant loose control it hurts my soul you are just in my head and you don't let go, please let go

I talk to myself everyday trying to convince that everything is right. The fact is that there is nothing wrong. Its the perception of my brain which abhors things being in right place. I am just so used to dis orientation.

BREAKING NEWS

I am terrified to see what the Indian Media has stuped down to. They can report almost anything under the sun as a matter of national importance. All of us are aware of the breaking news which can be Rakhee Sawant being wipped in the ass or a new comedy show doing the rounds. As the monsoon hits Delhi today, all news channel are glittering with flashes of people in India Gate soaking themselves in rain and croaking as they try to sing on camera.

Generally, news channel have the policy of reporting the "left" part of News where everyone else is reporting the "right" part. They aim to strive and present something new so that people can be educated, know more about their rights and surrounding in order to be moved to mould policies. Whats happening Dude? A news channel is supposed to answer it to the word "T".

Sadly enough, the news on our desi channels do not have any parts, its a useless bundle of shit wrapped in boredom and baseless thinking being aired just to fill the time slot. I am not too sure if the people reporting news are half too educated to understand how their reporting can make a difference in the society. Of all the channels I see, only Doordarshan or Lok Sabha are decent enough to report "News" or have fruitful discussions. The rest all of them are party politics based channels which shall report as the respective high command wants them to.

Come to think of it, how many top slot murder or other cases have met their end. Salman is running free, (I like his movies though), Nawab Pataudi is again hunting, In Maharashtra and Orissa a farmer kills himself every day, Laloo is still making money, Natwar Singh is still singing, Project Tiger was scrapped as Tigers only existed on paper, Maulayam who??...all these news made headlines but every year the monsoons washed they away.

The essence of imparting information can be ascertained by the way we all feel proud of the Right to Information Act. Its a weapon we all have to know what is right based on the facts as they exist. Likewise providing right, educating, fruitful, thought provoking information or "News" is a responsibility which these news channels have. Poking into a mothers life as to how she felt about her daughter or sleazing around to ask stupid questions in an interview is not reporting for Christ sake.

I just hope that the Indian Media comes of age someday and a news channel is worth watching in times to come and "Breaking News" after all means something worth watching.

All alone not by myself

Another girl bad for my health

I've seen it all thru someone else

(Another girl bad for my health)



Celebrated but undisturbed

Serenaded by the terror bird

It's seldom seen but it's never heard

(Serenaded by the terror bird)



Never in the wrong time or wrong place

Desecration is the smile on my face

The love i made is the shape of my space

My face my face

I FEEL

Being always nice can make you ugly.
Miracles happen but wont happen with you.
Love at first sight is only in your sight, like they say, beauty lies in the eye of the Beer holder.
You dont have to act cool to be cool.
Somethings are better left unsaid and undone
Done take shit from people, dont give shit.
Eyes never lie.
Money follows knowledge.
Only talk to your family members about what you are thinking again..God Father!
Money can buy relationships
Thoughts come and go, sometimes just sit and look at them leaving you.
Exercise, you owe this to your body.
Patience is like a muscle, it has to be developed.
Respect
Pray. It has immense power.

No matter how far,
run for all you're worth..
RUN!

KHAYAAL

Mujhko Janana hein
to Mujhmein utar kar dekh

Kinare pe khare ho kar
Samundar naapa nahien Kartein
-Shayer

DOOM BOOM

What a bright beautiful morning..It was raining last night but I really couldnt figure it out in the noise that my A/C makes, its more like a rocket engine. With the noise pollution which Delhi has, I am thankful to my A/C for not making me feel out of place in my room, with eyes wide shut I know I am in Delhi.
I feel great that I have quit smoking. With my swim in the morning and a sweet walk in the park, I am as fresh as the morning dew.

I see and observe a lot of people in the morning as I am heading towards the pool. I cross two schools in my 10 minutes walk which makes me realise how important education is. Small children crying as their parents drop them to school which is kind of cute.

But then I see these two small children behind the school in the market place everyday, with brooms in their hands trying to clean the market before it opens. I wonder where the government is when these sights stare at you right in the face. Here 100 meters from them are children being dropped at school in fancy cars pampered by their folks to an X Box if they do and eat well and here at two small kids,of the same age, without a good meal and a decent bath for days trying to make a living by cleaning all the mess left by all ass holes in the market. So whats next for them, some cheap smack and then heroine and then death. Theft shall happen in the middle, be molested by policemen for being poor, kicked in the ass by the local gangster..I dread that, I swear.

You cant balance a situation by considering two extremes. It shall blast someday. The gap shall lead to an abyss, sucking one, sucking all..DOOM...BOOOM..

BLACK AND WHITE

I never used anyone in my entire life, not even the position of my father when I could. As a matter of fact, he never gave me the freedom to do that.

A few days back, I met a gentleman, a very big man who had worked with my father some years back. Sitting in his house with a few other people, he specially asked me about my dad and how fondly he remembers him as an honest, upright and a sincere man, who would always be smiling. He told me how he wanted to meet him and asked me to pay him his regards. All I could do was smile and told him that the feeling was mutual.

The whole instance made me feel so proud at that moment and till now. These small things matter more than all the black money in the world.

A true praise is all white and all pure.

Beautiful is the word, in the midst of Tea Plantations, in the lap of the Dhauladars, Palampur Rocks!

The value of days and moment cannot be realized till the time we understand that those things shall never be the same again. Something which was always there and when we had taken it for granted leaves you never to come back again leaving behind some memories and remorse of how it can never be the same again.

I shall miss him a lot, a very dear part of me has left me never to return again. The least I can do is carry on with a smile on my face and a scar deep in my soul as the responsibility of my future is on my shoulder right now…

Good bye my Friend..you will be deeply missed..May your soul rest in peace..Amen

I went for this Art exhibition recently. It was all about performance art where people by their own actions are trying to project some form of art. Weird Art I call it to the best of my notion. I went twice as it was a week long exhibition.

Ok, on one of the days I saw this Pakistani girl trying to blow in and out of the lungs of a goat which was killed around 2 two hours back. What she was trying to project was a picture of what goes inside. People were just looking at her and admiring how she could do it, more in awe rather admiring her for the art she was trying to project..I failed to under stand that art in that and when I discussed it with my father the next morning on the break fast table, all he had to say was, "So they killed the goat..eh..!!!"

Then there were this couple who had clicked themselves all nude and called themselves the "In security service". When dressed, they were wearing the security costumes with the title mentioned, "INSECURITY"..Ok some Art..

The next day was the weirdest. This man took off his vest, pants, boxers and then was all nude..he then took a candle and lit it in his mouth and started pronouncing the words which people were writing on the projector in front of him, as to how they felt seeing the entire art..(I mean what?!!!)..so this gori went and wrote love..another wrote something in French and I charged off from there to the lobby to have some drinks never to return..

Weird it was, a lot of Indian with lots of ascents (fake???), lot of hollow people, lots of Artists as well, who live it and love it and a lot of free drinkers with little interest in art like these, I was the biggest living example during those two days..

WALK

This phase of my life is really killing me..I am quite in control when at the same I am just loosing out the child in me..I have this feel of being in little control of the activities I indulge in..something like not saying everything you feel about the person, saving your heart for someone and not flashing it around..drinking less and thinking about the hang over next morning, plan the moves and then execute them, acting smart with a few people (my boss for instance), knowing your subject really well by reading everything about it and smoking up less, hating the discos, running and learning to swim, fighting the war between mind and body, trying to understand people and understanding why they react the way they do amongst other things...

I thought maybe I am depressed that I am feeling all this, I am not..I am at peace and I feel that peace sometimes, some real bliss when you can feel your soul, coming out of your body and encompassing you in a bubble of happiness and contentment..this feel is for a few seconds only but its worth ever bit of it. So now when I have really jotted a few things I wonder if this phase is really killing me...

I will let you know once I am dead..

SUNDAY BLUES

I think politics exists everywhere..between the sheets, in our day to day life, on trafic lights, office ofcourse..everywhere..its inside us and we cannot live without it..we can create as many issues as we want to and then give birth to politics wasting our arse time and energy into it..for some the kick is immense and their whole life revolves around the new created issue and how to make it worse..aha the bliss on their face wasting their time on that,giving gyaan on something which they themselves abhor, preach what they simply cannot practise, thinking they are cool when they are nothing more then a stinky fart..I wish I could burn them there and then..I WISH..

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Get Born Again my friend..Get up and shine and rise coz the dirt shall never settle..Its just too kick ass and we are riding it as of now..its just getting better now when the hard work was done with our only weapon, ALCOHOL..burrraaaaaaaaaaa

I love the spirit of my friends hugging me and telling me to call them up once I have reached home safely..i do this every time I make it..

I love the spirit of the dogs chasing my car when I enter their territory and then my own dogs obliging not to chase the car as they recognize the odour which the car emits..with me a piece of shit in it…

I love the spirit of the gate keeper when he opens the 200 kg door for the car to enter..the welcome sound coming with a stint of working hard and doing his duty and showing me that he is not sleeping..my recognition is apparent from the fact that he is not asking me any more questions adding to the hectic day I have had and consumed..

I love my Mom for abusing me for being so late..the cap she has put on and I hope she shall forgive me the next morning asking me for the break fast I want to have..she looked so cute!

No police, no summons, no courts of law
No proper procedure, no rules of war
No mitigating circumstance
No lawyers fees, no second chance

There are lasses getting trouble on their own home beat
There are old folk battered in the open street
In this city of ours
There are eyes that see but say nothing at all
There are ears that hear but they dont recall
In this city of ours
So we followed your man back to your front door
And were waiting for you outside
cos not everybody here is scared of you
Not everybody passes on the other side

No police, no summons, no courts of law...

And we could spent our whole lives waiting
For some thunderbolt to come
And we could spent our whole lives waiting
For some justice to be done
Unless we make our own

No police, no summons, no courts of law...

And when I see her in the eye with the possibilities I always possesed
with a flicker of the wildesness I always seen in the forest deep
I think I shall take my chance with some things unknown
as nature has its own tricks to tell..

The road not taken..its always about the road taken indeed..

And I think I will have nothing to say ever again..