I dont want to work on a Sat anymore.... I need a relaxed, easy and chilled out life with a lot of holidays and lots of money and a few excellent vacations, a couple of blondes, single malts and good wines, exotic food, some hash and cool music, beaches and blue sea, a peaceful quite place with no phones ringing..

I wish money grew on trees or one fine morning I get up as a Rockstar..Money for nothing..chiks for free.

Today i again went to this place where I go for my drinks after work. Its not the same place everytime but i go there for the music. The people working there have started recognising me so its a little easy and comfortable now.



At the same place tonight I saw this girl, probably in college, pissed drunk out of her world and hugging all her friends. After some time I noticed her lying her on the sofa with friends surronded looking at her to figure out if she was ok and would survive to see the next day. I am sure, she wont forget this night for days to come coz she didnt know a jack shit of what was happeing around her.



I found this to be quite nostalgic coz some of the wild nights which I really remember were the worst nights of my life at that time. I remember I had to walk for almost 10 kms with friend coz there was no petrol in my bike and we dint have any money to have the same filled. Not even Rs. 10. All we had was booze, cigarattes and dope. Then, the same night how I banged into my flashy acquaintance coming out of his car with thick tyres and borrowed some money. I offered him some dope which he readily accepted..worst night..



How I got up on January 01 with a black eye sleeping in a car parked in a garage, failing to realise and understand where I was. My friends were too drunk to look after me...It was nice to see them the next day..Bad night..and how and how..



I am sure after some years, when I look back at these days now, I shall again remember them as those days..those golden days which I created, lived, loved, hated, drank but still remember..

Two songs which helped me through thick..thin there were many people!!

A lonely cry for help

reaching out for help to anyone
A silent prayer to God

to help you your way

I've been depressed so long,

it's hard to remember when I was happy

I've felt like suicide a dozen times or more

But that's the easy way,

that's the selfish way

The hardest part is to get on with your life

You're searching in the dark,

clutching at straws to find a way

You take the tarot cards

and throw them to the wind

Your question your beliefs,

your inner thoughts, your whole existence

And if there is a God

then answer if you will

And tell me of my fate,

tell me of my place

Tell me if I'll ever rest in peace

If you could live your life again,

would you change a thing or leave it all the same

If you had the chance again,

would you change a thing at all

When you look back at your past,

can you say that you are proud of what you've done

Are there times when you believe

that the right you thought was wrong

All of my life

I have believed

judgment of heaven

is waiting for me

All of my life

I have believed

judgment of heaven

is waiting for me

Waiting for me, waiting for me, waiting for me...

UP THE IRONS

There are times when I've wondered
And times when I've cried
When my prayers they were answered
At times when I've lied
But if you asked me a question
Would I tell you the truth
Now there's something to bet on
You've got nothing to lose

When i've sat by the window
And gazed at the rain
With an ache in my heart
But never feeling the pain
And if you would tell me
Just what my life means
Walking a long road
Never reaching the end

God give me the answer to my life
God give me the answer to my dreams
God give me the answer to my prayers
God give me the answer to my being

MATCH THIS...

I am sure that she cant sleep without seeing me back at home and seeing that I am safe. I ring the bell and she in her half asleep mind tells me that there are some fruits in the refrigerator which I must have along with the food. She tells me how she could not hear the first bell at 3 in the morning.

I have never been so touched in my life ever by seeing all this. I was left is a hostel in my prime and stayed off from my parents for a good fifteen years. Going back to all this makes me feel weird and weird because I am again wanted.

I know she has kept me in her womb for 9 months and fed me to see the world. I realise that I am her world and I am constantly in the back of her mind. I know how i might be doing drugs half zonked out to realise this world and screwing around with some naked women when I still for her can never do wrong. I understand that she has that unconditional love for me which no one in this world can ever ever match.

I love you mother, though I shall never be able to express this.

CLAP PLEASE

And they say I am rude..

The confusion to address people and not remembering how you met them the last time. The only thing you remember is that it still leaves a bad taste in your mouth. The moment when you were stuck and were trying to sizzle out of it by being nice and easy and being used in the entire ordeal.

A palatial house in the one of the most expensive areas in Delhi, the ambience competing with a seven star hotel, with weird paintings and lamps and drawing room books which have never been read, sculptors, dog you can put in your pocket, with servants waiting for your clap to fix you the next drink, beautiful girls wearing the most expensive dresses and perfumes, muah muah two gentle kisses on each side of the face, the clevage being thrown for your eyes, Metrosexual men talking about the new cars and football with one eye still on the clevage..

Every talk starts and ends with "Back in England" along with the useless escapades in the US. Back in England stories are which you wont even remember and yawn a thousand times in your mind. The escapades in US are just stories about the most expensive restuarants in NYC. You can nod your head, laugh because you suddenly remember a great friend of yours and how crazy he is, give your small inputs to tell them that you are not sleeping and wait to get more drunk..clap clap clap clap

Ok now with four claps, things seem to be a little better than usual but you realise that now "Back in England" has turned into "Back in the US" and the metrosexual men have turned into half chuts bitching about some common friends.

I can go on to explain this more but really dont want to. Of all I remember of such parties are the clevage and the good whisky and nothing else. I cant know them anymore and refuse to pick up her phone.

And they say I am rude..so be it.

RUN RUN RUN

I have been running in a park near my house for a few years now. It then shifts to a tread mill in the summers and I run. Along with the the physical exercise, I am neck deep mentally involved in it. I have been running for a lot of things in life. Running for it, with it, towards it, from it, around it and the list is never ending...

I have run for strength and alcohol, with frustration and a broken heart, towards sex and money, from responsibility and acceptance, around unconditinal love and simple people and the list is never ending..

I will run for you, with you, towards you, around you and not from you because I love you and the list ends here..

I kept staring at it in the dark for a minute and then it moved. The move was the origin of terror adding to my excitement to see it more, to recognise it, to know what it is. It intrigued me, baffled me, made me feel excited with a step closer to death coupled with the undercurrent of living life and the journey I have to finish.

The picture was still not clear and I tried approaching "it". I think this was perhaps the first time I moved for "it" and this is when I saw "it". A two legged amphibian with two sockets and a protruding portion of flesh in the middle with two holes in it. It had flesh coming out from both sides of its face and had weird ornamentation made of weird metal (Execeleo1123 I suppose) hanging from there to support it. The mechanism was amazing. "It" again moved, looked at me and then freaked out. After that all I could were flash of lights with weird noises chasing me.

I rushed back to the shell and headed straight up against the light. Zema zector 123187.12 velocity. I had lost a lot of time with my subtle adventures but then earth is worth visiting. I had only read about it in visions but it was indeed one worthwhile experience. As I have my xerret1232 with a 2143qewr thinking of her tonight, for she imagined seeing a ghost rather then a traveller beyond the space of time. Aha..Pluto is not bad either!!

NATASHA

I am quite amazed by the sick and ugly voices which you have to hear when you call someone and the number is either "This number is out of service" or "has been switched off" with the same being repeated in Hindi/ Punjabi/ whatever. I have realised that over my intense practise and my luck of knowing people who are either somewhere where you cannot reach them or have just changed their numbers (when you were too lazy to store the new one that they had messaged you)is that the ugly the voice the ugly is the phone service. I was horrified to hear this voice when she told me that the "phone is out of reach". I mean with all due respect, but all I could imagine and relate this was to my maid in my college days when I was staying with some friends asking me early on a Sunday morning, "Baba, kamra saaf karduein". Anywhich way, it serves the purpose BUT can definetely be improved.


And then sometimes, I just wonder why it only has to be girls voice fed in the computer chanting the slogans time and again. More appealing for sure is one reason which leads me to the topic I want to write about Natasha. People have never seen her but have only heard about her. She is a Russian with a very soothing voice but in the event that you hear that, the only option which you have is to press the red button and eject for she only knows how to say and ofcourse in her seductive and soothing voice, "the engine is on fire, please eject". The voice is still there in the Migs which we fly now but its rather unfortunate that most of the pilots who have heard this could not survive to tell the tale.