I have felt this a million times, its just that with each passing year every feel seems to be more familiar and I can relate to other expereinces which passed me into another phase, another moment and another deja vu..

I dont think it really feels different but then I think I know where I am heading. I welcome myself there and for a new phase in life..You are welcome here Neo no matter how many times you see the Black Cat..Meow!!

And i wait here in the dark for you to speak to me..I hold the pain..Release me..Release me..

So how are we today..are we again discussing the strange images coming out of my libido or another beggar I saw to feel disgusted about realising he needs more money than I do..much more than I do..should I part way with it..will it make a difference??

So what are we talking about today. How much money politicians made today (USD ofcourse) and how my business cannot survive without bribing them to death in their accounts or how the dollar depriciated to make my life more worse in times to come.

So how am I sleeping today, with or without her and how she changes with time withtout making a difference to my emotional wreck when love is stilll a word alien to me but I wish it could mean something.. mean something please..

So where is the party tonight, lost in the middle of drinks still searching for the pleasure which I experienced dont remember when, trying in vain to regain and experience it again..its all a mugs game..

And so how would I wake up tommorow, trying to remember my dream when I was oscillating between the parameters of dimensions and how much I hate my routine...loosing out on life, generating the energy yet once again..all over again..

Am I looking for something which has already found me or should I hear that bugger again..ah..he made it the way he wanted..glad he is dead..Play some music for my ears sweet..think I still have life left in me..

Here we go

I dont want to believe in the policy of being nice any more. People dont seem to understand that. I think with the manner in which our systems work and the gap between the poor and rich widening as we breathe, people just dont seem to understand the nice and gentle language which you want to speak. They want to push you to the limit and when you retaliate, things are fine. If you are nice from the word go, you are off for a ride or dragged to a corner.

You keep on working like an ass and rather than getting appreciated for it you are asked if you can take on more work. I mean ridiculous. You give money to someone when he needed it and then he doesnt return it for months. And they you are too shy and stupid to ask for it, but then in the end of the day its your fucking money. I would hate myself if I do that to someone. If I owe you some let me know!!

So I have thought that I shall change now. Be no more nice to people but even if I am, I wont say it. Silence can hide a thousand lies and a million truth. The perception shall then be in the other mind where my mind just looks at it with a blank face.

My brain says its worth a shot, my heart says let it be coz he is watching...

I feel lonely today..i call up this girl i like and she refuses to pick up the phone for whatever reasons. My schools friend calls me up and tells me how fucked up he is with his life walking out of office at 10: 3o PM at night to finish a one and a half hour journey back home. I reach home and my parents asks me a some questions pertaining to work and how I should not be stressed out because of it. I try to explain my father the difference between a government department and the way private sector works and my mom seems to understand that more than him. He tells me just to read and buy some books and read it coz i would feel like a fool tomorrow if i dont know that. I totally appreciate that.

I feel quite lonely right now and my music perhaps can not even bring me to back to life. Why am I in this rat race and what is the competition all about. I am not not one of those who shall give in so easily coz i have the power to think, to analyse and think over it like a brooding dove. I might be down and beaten tonight for whatever reasons best known to my alter ego, but I shall be back one day when I mean business and business my way and I warn you to mend your ways...

And I am man who walks alone...

Oh yes, I have a beast in me as well. An animal who only understands the rule of the jungle which indeed for him is the rule of law. It can defy it for want of self glorification, ego boosts and feeding the glorified ambuigity of hidden helplessness camouflaged behind a mechanised working brain.


The beast submerged in a pool of patience and hunger waits for the prey to fall in its trap and then strikes at the right time only to wrap itself around a tree and hear the bones crack. It can move towards the prey with soft steps and then attack with utmost accuracy from the neck, drag it back to the den to then bask in the sun. The prey struggles, sometimes fights back but eventually gives in to its destiny and the fact that things were meant to be this way.


With blood in its mouth and an excitement which diminishes with each morsel, the devil leaves the half eaten prey, sometimes alive, badly wounded to die a slow if not already dead for it understands no mercy. However, it has been known that it can be deceived by flattery as the meal pacifies only a part of his argus faced desires.

Its more like the jungle here but the only difference here is that the prey is the devils own inner self. A civil war in the brain doesnt excite me much anymore.